Not Hot: American Idol – Season 100

American Idol sucks (sux) this season. I can feel it already. Did you watch it last night? Because I did. And I was very disappointed with its not hottness. Here’s what I thought:

That big, southern guy should’ve been better. Although, do we really need another Taylor Hicks? No, we don’t. That Korean (represent!) guy was really nervous, and it showed (pit stains). Though, I admire (but also find annoying) the fact that he took off his shoes. That takes balls, and some serious dedication to Asian tradition. But I did not like that guy who supposedly reminds people of Justin Timberlake. Yes. Definitely. This guy totally, really, truly reminds me of a busted version of Justin Timberlake. And singing my most hated song, no less. (I Don’t Wanna Be by Gavin Degraw– hate it.) Although, his performance wasn’t awful, despite his aversion to a steady head. Then there was that guy who sang a Richard Marx song. Haha, Richard Marx. Who is this guy? Me, ten years ago? Go write me a love letter. But you know who I do love? The Indian kid. I am In love with him. I may have fallen asleep during his minute and a half long performance, but boy is he cute. And 17. Then there was the Jack Osbourne look alike who is 28. 28? He looks 18. Go grow some wrinkles. And I definitely hate the last singer’s guts. He has the eyes of a sad woman, and embodies a weird eagerness that makes me want to punch. Not a fan.

So there you have it, my American Idol review. I might not watch this season if this awfulness continues. But we’ll see.

PS If Paula doesn’t learn how to articulate her thoughts into a coherent sentence soon, I’m going to post screen stills from Junior High School. Which, if you haven’t seen it already, is a musical from the 80s with Paula before her nose job.