Brooklyn Skeptic

Live Free or Die Hard is coming onto screens not on Friday, but on Wednesday, thus calling for an advanced edition of Weekend at the Movies. It seems that this fourth installment in the Die Hard series doesn’t understand the basic principle of opening movies on Fridays, and has instead opted to release its movie two days early. I suppose it’s not too surprising that Live Free or Die Hard doesn’t understand this basic time principle, or else it wouldn’t have a man my parents’ age still parading around as an action star. In any case, these are the new movies opening in New York and Brooklyn this week:

Live Free or Die Hard: John McClane is back. He’s older, bald, hungover and pissed off. This is what I gathered from the trailer: A guy puts a virus or something in a big computer thingie. Things start to blow up. McClane gets pissed off and shoots a lot of people. More things blow up. Justin Long shows up for some reason. More things keep blowing up. Music starts as do a series of American flag shots. More things blow up. The terrorist dude takes McClane’s daughter. He shoots a fire extinguisher and a helicopter blows up. Catch phrases are uttered. More things blow up. We leave and patiently await the fifth in the series, or an installment from another hopeless geriatric desperately trying to revive the success he experienced two decades ago. Sadly not featured:

Carl Winslow: American Hero.

Sicko - This Michael Moore documentary is about healthcare. I guess I don’t really have a whole lot to say about this, except that it’ll probably piss everyone off. They’ll either come out hating Michael Moore or George Bush. Or both. Probably both. This is playing at BAM.

Ratatouille: Pixar and rodentia fans rejoice! Ratatouille, the latest from director Brad Bird (Iron Giant, The Incredibles), tells the tale (pun so intended!) of a rat named Remy living in Paris, who longs to be a famous chef. Expect a lot of beautiful animation, wacky high jinks, and jokes about the French. Ratatouille looks fantastic and is definitely my pick of the week, despite Brooklyn Skeptic’s earlier, and somewhat extreme policies towards our plague-toting tunnel dwellers.

Evening: I’m still kind of unclear about the plot of this one, but from what I can tell it stars Vanessa Redgrave, Meryl Streep, Toni Colette, Claire Danes and Natasha Richardson and is about a group of women who try not to spill their fried green tomatoes on their American quilts while riding in cars with boys under the Tuscan sun. This is playing at the Angelika.

And that is all that is opening in wide release. Playing at the Angelika as well is Vitus, a Swiss film (vive la Suisse!) about a brilliant twelve year old who moves in with his grandfather. Screenings for Live Free of Die Hard begin tonight at midnight at the United Artists on Court Street. If none of these movies tickle your fancy (but trust me, Ratatouille will), be sure to remember the number of outdoor films that are playing throughout the week.