The weather isn’t supposed to be great this weekend, with the forecast calling for thunderstorms starting Friday evening. Here are the new releases for the weekend. Unless you’re seeing The Simpsons Movie, you might want to consider renting something.
I Know Who Killed Me: Lindsay’s new movie comes out on Friday. On Tuesday she wound up on the front page of every tabloid after being busted for driving under the influence and cocaine posession. Coincedence? I think not. What we are witnessing here is not the drunken escapade of a washed up, talentless “actress,” but the unfailing commitment of a devoted and accomplished thespian. Just to promote her new flick, LiLo selflessly gets herself busted for drunk driving and coke. Bravo, LiLo. Bravo. Oh yeah, and the movie’s about a stripper or something. It’s playing at the Prospect Park Pavilion.
Lindsay Lohan
The Simpsons Movie: Everyone’s favorite American family finally hits the big screen after being on television for four hundred years. All I could gather from the trailer is that it’s going to be wacky, Bart skateboards naked and Homer falls in love with a pig. And that’s enough for me. This is my pick of the week. It’s playing at the United Artists on Court Street, the Prospect Park Pavilion and Cobble Hill Cinemas.
No Reservations: Catherine Zeta Jones and Aaron Eckhart (soon to be Harvey Dent) star in this cooking-based romantic comedy with a double entendre title. I’m guessing this movie will be best accompanied by a drinking game where a sip is taken each time someone uses cooking as a metaphor for life. Or each time Abigail Breslin does something adorable. This is playing at the Prospect Park Pavilion.
Who’s Your Caddy?: Don Michael Paul, who directed Half Past Dead and finally brought my dream of seeing a Steven Seagal/Ja Rule action movie to life, now directs this golf caper about a rapper who tries to join an exclusive country club. The trailer is painfully unfunny, so my guess is that the producers are banking on the hope that the movie-going community will find the title’s playful allusion to the phrase “Who’s Your Daddy?” simply too delightful to pass up. In addition to starring Outkast member Big Boi, this film has the draw of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off star and known pedophile Jeffrey Jones.
Lindsay Lohan
Moliere: The French playwright gets his own movie from writer/director Laurent Tirard. As I talked about last week, I have a particular (and peculiar) affinity for powdered wigs, so this is high on my radar. It’s playing at the Sunshine.
Arctic Tale: A documentary about polar bears, narrated by Queen Latifah. In the trailer there’s a scene where a bunch of walruses fart, and Queen Latifah makes a joke. So basically, if you saw March of the Penguins and thought that there weren’t enough fart jokes, this is your movie. This is playing at the Angelika.
Otherwise, Wet Hot American Summer is playing as the midnight movie on Friday at the Sunshine, Being John Malkovich is playing at the Brooklyn Bridge Park on Thursday and Repo Man will be playing next Tuesday at McCarren Park.
*Update: Shane Meadows’ new movie This is England is also opening at the IFC Center on Sixth Avenue. The movie is about Meadows’ experience as a Skinhead in the 1980’s in England, and has been getting fantastic reviews.
dear friends,
Im commenting from an iphone. This is the happiest I’ve ever been.
Much love,
lesley
iphone eh, fancy…
Jeffrey Jones is a pedophile? Maybe it was his role in Howard the Duck that permanently warped his mind. I know it did mine. Have you ever seen that movie? It’s terrifying…
Did you actually buy an iphone?
Jeffrey Jones was convicted of hiring a 14-year old boy to pose for sexually explicit pictures and having child pornography. He’s a registered sex offender.
And yes, I’m sure it had something to do with Howard the Duck. Or being in the John Leguizamo movie The Pest. What a suckfest that movie was.
No, I don’t have an iPhone, but i spent a few minutes groping one in the Apple Store, and naturally, I used that time to read the blog. It was awesome.
Where can I order a massive blowup of the Jeffrey Jones mugshot to hang up in the living room?
http://www.oversizedpedophileblistactors.com (or maybe it’s .org, i can never remember.)
How dare you suggest Lindsay isn’t actually a talented actress. I <3 her. Seriously.
ps. In case you forgot….Mean Girls.
In case you forgot….every other movie she has ever made aside from Mean Girls.
kkaaarrrummmmp!