Brooklyn Skeptic

The Brave One: Jodie Foster only acts in a movie every so often. When that movie involves her becoming a vigilante who kills the man who steals her dog, I think it’s safe to say that you should see it. After a brutal attack (the scene in the trailer looks a lot like Prospect Park) Jodie gets a gun and starts hunting people down. Early reviews are pretty good, and there’s already Oscar talk for Ms. Foster. This is playing at the Pavilion and the United Artists on Court Street.

Dragon Wars: Reign of Fire. Dragonheart. Dungeons and Dragons. Eragon. Dragonslayer. Um……Pete’s Dragon. Following in this tradition of awesome dragon epics now comes Dragon Wars. DRAGON WARS! It has something to do with a girl, her reincarnated lover and an old mentor who are being stalked by the forces of darkness, but seriously, who gives a fuck? DRAGON WARS. They’re like dinosaurs but with more teeth and fire-breathing! This is playing at the United Artists on Court Street.

Dragons!!!!

Eastern Promises: Director and professional mind-fucker David Cronenberg’s newest release pairs him once again with Viggo Mortensen (clearly you know him as a horse-riding warrior from a little action epic known as Hidalgo). Cronenberg, the Canadian born director who made you shit your pants last year with his film A History of Violence, is already getting tons of critical acclaim with this new crime drama involving the Russian mafia. It’s also been getting plenty of press for this. That’s right folks, there’s a full on naked Viggo bath house knife fight. Um…..so this is my pick of the week. As far as I can tell, this is only playing at the AMC Loews on Lincoln Square, but I’ll update if that changes.

Mr. Woodcock: I didn’t think we’d get a more obvious title this week than DRAGON WARS, but here you go. Billy Bob Thorton plays a character that he has now played five times (Bad Santa, Ice Harvest, School for Scoundrels, Bad News Bears) in the past five years. Seann William Scott plays an annoying asshole, a character he has been playing since his inception. According to the trailer, the film is about a group of people who are hit with balls, hit in the balls, hit with baseball bats, hit with tables and, in a moment of true artistic audacity, fall off treadmills while running at full speed. This is playing at the Pavilion and the United Artists on Court Street.

Across the Universe: For all those people waiting for a romantic musical set to Beatles tunes, your wait is over. For all those people waiting for a good romantic musical set to Beatles tunes, don’t get too excited. Like Julie Taymor’s other movies (Titus, Frida), Across the Universe is supposed to be visually stunning. Sadly, it’s also supposed to be pretty light on plot and character development. This is playing at Union Square.

Silk: A love story set in Japan that centers on finding uncontaminated silk worm eggs. Are you hot yet? Despite this, it’s directed by the under-appreciated director of The Red Violin and stars Keira Knightley. This is playing at the Angelika.

In the Valley of Elah: From the director of Crash (or as those in my circle of friends call it - “Trash” - I know, we’re crazy funny) comes this new film about a veteran who is looking for his son. Paul Haggis (or as we call him, Paul Shmaggis) won the award for best picture last year, and this new movie is already getting some Oscar buzz. This is also playing at Union Square and Lincoln Square.

Paul Shmaggis, Director of Trash, after winning two Shmacademy Shmawards.

December Boys: Daniel Radcliffe tries to branch out from his Harry Potter fame in this Australian independent film about a boy in an orphanage who takes a trip to the beach. The movie is rated PG-13 for “sexual content, nudity, underage drinking and smoking.” While it’s not this, I’m sure pizappas, recklesley and johnbaptisedme just got boners. This is playing at AMC Loews Village 7 in Manahattan as well as the AMC Loews at Lincoln Square.

*Update: The park in The Brave One is not Prospect Park sadly, but Central Park. Snore. Is Jodie too good to exact her revenge in Brooklyn? What gives?