One of the (many) perks of working (literally) in a supply closet is that no one notices when I’m here and when I’m not. So I may tend to take a long lunch. I may tend to amble around the many retail shops gracing this fine neighborhood trying on stupid shit. Here, let’s go do it together!
Ah, H&M. The top of the line of bottom of the line stuff. Above Forever 21, below most everything else, and very near and dear to my heart.
But it’s too easy to sit back and bask in the low-priced, poorly-threaded glory that is H&M. Isn’t it a lot more fun to find the ugliest clothes they have and talk about them? Yes, I think so too. Here we go!
OK, I was actually trying this on in all seriousness. A searsucker mini-skirt? For $10? Fantastic! But then I saw them, um, suspenders. Now you can see them too. As useless as they look, they are actually useful. This ill-fitting skirt would probably not stay up very well without them. As they were, there was a disturbing breeze running in at the top of the waistband. No thanks, H&M. What else you got?
Ha! This one is just hilarious. What you can’t see in this photo is the exquisite attention to detail. The top is seamed like an old-fashioned bra, creating a look that is both constructed and smooshing, constricting and unflattering. The skirt is, um, empire-waisted seafoam green diagonally-layered rayon. Unlined. You’re right though. It needs a little something……
Ah ha! Perfection.
This was the real winner of the outing. Even if it was consistent in color, it was a veritable wonderland of tactile sensations! A macramed top. A ripstop nylon skirt with elastic AND drawstring at the top AND bottom!!! The top - I mean, I don’t even know what to say. It is shit ass ugly. It’s one thing to see shirts like this in pictures of my parents from the 60s and be like - well, yeah, you guys were proud of your macrame skills and you were sticking it to the man and stuff…. But to purchase it in a modern-day retail establishment… I just don’t know. The skirt - basically, it was what Colonel Mustard would buy for his wife to wear to their first rave once he’s finally convinced her to try E.
In conclusion, maybe it’s just because fashion week is here and I’m a little caught up in the glamour and excitement of it all, but to me there’s nothing better than trying on a lot of clothes and making fun of them. Except maybe getting a new president.
And now we can do both! Huzzah.
P.S. the chartreuse skirt cost $60.
At first I thought that last skirt was a pair pants. Genie Pants. Hammer Genie Pants.
PS. I like how you were the first to comment on your own post.
it’s a trick!
ummm is it bad that i like the second outfit…like a lot. i want it because it will totally hide my belly!
No way. I can totally see you rocking it. I’m just not fabulous enough for it!
[...] (The first installment is here.) [...]