Brooklyn Skeptic » Politics

Democracy, Obama Coax Me Out of Hiding

Administrator — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 17:56:12 +0000

My soul, once hardened and foul, like the crust on dirty dishes, has been soaked (in democracy), scrubbed (with voting) and it sitting ready in the drying rack of my heart.

Yes, I did miss writing impenetrable metaphors.

Now that we Americans can once again claim that we value our ideals, our country and the rest of the world, I am ready to start tearing shit apart again with crude, slightly simplistic explications of irrelevant things (a.k.a. blogging). But before we get to that, here’s a nice trip down memory lane: Brooklyn Skeptic on Mr. President-elect, Barack Obama.

Seriously though, folks. Thank effing god. I think we might be okay after all.

Manning Up for West Virginia

Administrator — Tue, 13 May 2008 21:57:27 +0000

West Virigina votes today. It’s interesting to see how this has all been shaping up lately. Each of the candidates trying hard to connect with the hard working types of the midwest…ish..ness.
First, Obama picks up a masculine centric game that doesn’t end in embarassment. Pool.

By the way I’ve tried that behind-the-back shot several times. I’ve [...]

Seriously, News Media. I’m Concerned.

Administrator — Tue, 13 May 2008 21:56:46 +0000

Clinton wins…with 0% reporting. Okay.

Kristy Lee Cook: Clever or Mentally Defective?

Administrator — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 21:34:35 +0000

On last night’s Idol, Kristy Lee Cook took her “simple hick girl” thing a little too far. That’s right. She sang “God Bless the USA.” I just want to remind our readers that this was, in fact, the same song that my entire elementary school sang together – along to the tape, of course – in front of all our parents as some kind of Bush I era No Child Left Behind initiative.

Below, I dissect the implications of this act, based on whether she is a retarded back-woods blond or an evil genius. Please join me in this excercise.

Possibility 1: Kristy Lee Cook is a hick. She’s a simple girl who loves horses and God and America. She chose a song that reflects two of her three interests.

Implications:

Her earnest rendition of this classic Operation Desert Storm tune will resonate in the hearts of other hick Americans and she will continue on into the late rounds of Season 7
She will have followed in the rich tradition of all-American sweethearts who pull at the heartstrings of nationalists, a la Josh Gracin, Marine and Popular Idol Contestant of Season 2

Possibility 2: Kristy Lee Cook is an evil genius. With her keen sense of America’s socio-political breakdown, she calculated that the most willful and extravagant American Idol voters are, in fact, the Christian Right. In the off-months between elections, pastors have no choice but to encourage parishioners (via fear of eternal damnation and skin-melting heat) to vote for the Idol contestant who most closely holds their anti-abortion, America First beliefs. This is Kristy.

Implications:

Exploiting this voting block for every consecutive performance, Kristy Lee Cook will sail through the final rounds, eventually being crowned as this season’s American Idol.
Kristy Lee Cook will ruin the only genuine thing about the show: that contestants are generally clueless n00bs, who, thinking they are the next Celine Dion or Whitney Houston, pick songs that are hopelessly wrong for them. But this is good. Nobody likes a calculating, know-it-all music exec in the lithe body of a 20-year-old farm girl.

I ask you, dear readers, to decide for yourself.

This Just In: New Jersey is Better than New York

Administrator — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 18:42:34 +0000

You just know that has a qualifier, right?

As of yesterday, New Jersey came out on top (huh huh) in terms of gubernatorial sex scandals! Former governor of New Jersey, Jim McGreevy, was accused of partaking in saucy delights with his driver AND his (McGreevy’s) wife…at the same time! Yes, my friends, we totally have a gay-governor-threesome scandal, which puts former governor of New York, Eliot Spitzer’s scandal firmly in Little League territory. Of course, if Spitzer involved the Little League in his nasty trysts, he’d be in first place again.

So, just to recap:

2004: New Jersey governor McGreevy is gay, renders him incapable of running New Jersey (?)
2008: New York governor Spitzer pays a lot of money to spend quality time with whores, renders him incapable of running New York (agreed)
2008: McGreevy, incensed that Spitzer stole his thunder, demands his former driver make atrociously naughty claims about the former first couple’s bedroom steez (suspected)

I’m going to just come out and say it, people. Learning so much about middle-aged white dudes’ sexual practices makes me never, ever, ever want to have sex again. Let’s just all either keep it in our collective pants, or not speak of it when it comes out.

Congressional “Progress”

Administrator — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 19:35:52 +0000

Four days ago, Congress got together to fulfill a lofty goal. No, it wasn’t restoring Habeas Corpus, increasing The Children’s Health Insurance Fund, nor giving DC residents political representation. Instead it was to censure the juvenile MoveOn ad. This has been the first time Congress has appeared to agree on anything since re-approving warrantless wiretapping.

For all its worth, this is really a credit to the ongoing power in rhetoric and practices of the Republican Party. The work of Freedom’s Watch (a partisan group of elite investors) goes off with only some mutterings from the media and no apologies from any politician, for heavily partisan ads that blame Democrats for playing politics (see: irony) and again tries to link 9-11/Iraq. Republicans on the other hand are able to pass a symbolic resolutions and make Democrats cower and apologize on behalf this mostly grass-roots organization.

While the Republicans continue to do horribly in most polls, they still can make the Democrats heel with the slightest threat while not even receiving the same criticisms in return. In fact, a similar resolution proposed Thursday which included a condemnation of the MoveOn ad and the previous attacks on John Kerry in 2004 and Democratic Senator Max Cleland in 2002…failed. Only more than three years late and lacking any relevance, Democrats still couldn’t get it together.

Congressional “Progress”

Administrator — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 21:22:30 +0000

It must be hard for Ann Coulter to hear with the geyser of bullshit spewing out of her ears

Administrator — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 18:04:42 +0000

Ann Coulter is a bitch. This is a statement as absolute as “water is wet” or “Brooklyn is rad.” One of her books, Slander: Liberal Lies about the American Right, sits on my night stand. I read it from time to time, most often only for a chapter, until I get so pissed off that I change to Goodnight Moon to calm myself before bed. I read the essays on her website, where she talks about how dispicable Hollywood is, how anyone voting for Obama is simply suffering from “White Guilt” and, my personal favorite, how the media consists of a bunch of attention-grabbing whores. I read her. And I understand, I’m part of the problem. I’m fueling the fire. Pouring salt on the sociopolitical wound. Sadly, I enjoy reading her not just because of her inflammatory nature, but because while I often disagree with her, I also think she’s a pretty damn good writer.

And now Ms. Coulter has thrown in her two cents about the Virginia Tech massacre. I’m with her for the beginning. When faced with tragedies in this country, there is always an overwhelmingly optimistic desire to fix things. Americans (and other countries as well) feel the need to blame something, be it violence in entertainment, the parents, the school systems, in order to feel better. There’s nothing wrong with this, it’s basic human nature. We see something wrong, and we want to fix it. To fix it, it needs to be assigned to a problem. I think Ann understands this too. However she goes on to say that:

“Virginia Tech even prohibits students with concealed-carry permits from carrying their guns on campus. Last year, the school disciplined a student for carrying a gun on campus, despite his lawful concealed-carry permit. If only someone like that had been in Norris Hall on Monday, this massacre could have been ended a lot sooner.”

Gun control is a ridiculously complicated issue, and the concealed carry laws have danced back and forth between states for decades. But there are a few things that I think Ms. Coulter needs to think about. First of all, a concealed carry law would not have stopped the shootings from happening, as she suggests earlier on in her essay. School shootings, at least in the cases of Virginia Tech, Columbine and the University of Texas, are never carried out with escape intentions. They are carried out by disturbed, jaded, (and in the case of Texas, mentally imbalanced) people who know that they will be ending their lives at some point during the attack. So somehow, I doubt they are afraid of being shot, whether by their own hand or someone else’s. Allowing private citizens to carry concealed weapons isn’t going to stop someone from unleashing their pent-up, violent aggression towards society. Also, it should be noted that the concealed carry laws would allow these private citizens to carry their weapons not just in times of desired heroism, but all the time. That’s great that Ann gives statistics saying “States that allowed citizens to carry concealed handguns reduced multiple-shooting attacks by 60 percent and reduced the death and injury from these attacks by nearly 80 percent,” but what about individual attacks? I can understand that some of these attacks may be cut short by another gunman taking out a mass murderer, but what about the individual gun violence accounts? What about the fact that we’d be adopting the same principles that were around in the old west? Doesn’t raising people in an environment where, in any heated situation, they can fall back on having a weapon in their pocket, seem a little fucking crazy?

I know that getting upset about something that Ann Coulter says makes as much sense as farting with the windows up, but this is an issue that a majority of the country stands behind by using the second amendment. Between the old west and revolutionary times, it seems that a lot of people in this country are more interested in regression than anything else. I know that even the most strong-minded people, in the wake of a tragedy, are desperate to make things better. Allowing private citizens to carry guns in their pockets is not the way to do that.

Interpretation on The Alberto Gonzales Hearing

Administrator — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 22:31:32 +0000

I will admit my interest in politics, especially here on the blog, is not based on the need to know what’s going on in my government. Basically it’s just reveling in the soap-opera of it all.

And luckily Alberto Gonzales keeps on giving. The best part of his hearing on Thursday was his terse exchange with Senator Specter. These two guys are roughly on the same team, and so Gonazales thought this would be a great time to just let his annoying-ness shine. Read more for my in depth analysis of Gonzales in his finest hour:

Just to give you the full joy of the conversation, I have gone ahead and translated it and brought out the subtle nuisances of their exchange.

For more fun, listen along with the video while reading my translations, you’ll find that it’s exactly what they’re thinking during the conversation:

Specter: …I know you’ve been preparing for this hearing.

Translation: I know you’ve been preparing hardcore to cover your ass and…

Alberto: (interrupting) I prepare for every hearing, Senator

A: Hey, I prepare for everything, especially hearings. I’m really quite amazing…and insolent. Oh and completely annoying. I went to Harvard!

S: Do you prepare for all your press conferences? Were you prepared for the press conference where you said there weren’t any discussions involving you?

S: (under his breath) Motherfucker. Alright you little twerp, what about those pretty little press conferences where you said you weren’t involved with the firings huh? Were you prepared for that? Just try to answer that. I dare you.

A: Senator, I’ve already said that I misspoke. It was my mistake.

A: Jesus Specter! I already told you, I’m so sorry. Get off my back old man. You’re not my dad!

S: I’m asking you, were you prepared? You interjected that you’re always prepared. Were you prepared for that press conference?

S: Alright asshat, you want to play this game. Had to make your snide little comment, so now answer my question, do you prepare for your press conferences?

A: Senator, I didn’t say that I was always prepared. I said I prepared for every hearing.

A: No! I said hearings, I always prepare for hearings. What is a press conference?

S: Well, and I’m asking you, do you prepare for your press conferences?

S: My therapist said I should count to 10 to calm myself down when I feel like ripping someone’s arms off…hold on…(10 seconds later)

…I’m asking you a brand new question, that I so didn’t try to ask you five minutes ago, “DO YOU PREPARE FOR PRESS CONFERENCES?”

A: Senator, we do take time to try to prepare for the press conference.

A: If you’re going to be a jerk about this fine. You win. I “prepare”…but barely.

S: And were you prepared when you said you weren’t involved in any deliberations?

S: Woooo ha! Now we’re getting somewhere! So why are you a screw up?

A: Senator, I’ve already conceded that I misspoke at that press conference. There was nothing intentional. And the truth of the matter is, Senator, I-

A: As I said earlier, grandpa, I take all responsibility and am completely at fault…yet I will continue to act arrogant and unapologetic and will stay Attorney General until the 7 Horsemen of the Apocalypse ride in…but maybe I’ll stay then too

S: Let’s — let’s — let’s move on. I don’t think you’re going to win a debate about your preparation, frankly. But let’s get — let’s get to the facts. I’d like you to win this debate, Attorney General Gonzales.

S: You’re an ass. I really want you to survive these proceedings, I just hope someone puts tape over your mouth and sends you to some secret CIA prison just so I will never have to talk to you again.

A: I appreciate that.

A: You’re totally right, I’m an ass.

(Alberto Gonzales Spends the rest of the hearing mumbling the phrases “I’m sorry” and “I don’t recall”)

Interpretation on The Alberto Gonzales Hearing

Administrator — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 18:08:57 +0000

I will admit my interest in politics, especially here on the blog, is not based on the need to know what’s going on in my government. Basically it’s just reveling in the soap-opera of it all.
And luckily Alberto Gonzales keeps on giving. The best part of his hearing on Thursday was his terse exchange with