As we celebrate a day off on Friday by binge drinking and eating (God bless America and no place else), that leaves plenty of time on Saturday and Sunday to see some of these movies or to catch up on some you might’ve missed last weekend (see Wall-E).

Hancock
The Plot: Will Smith is a drunk superhero. [...]

The Love Guru
The Plot: Mike Myers juggles midgets, goofy accents and dick jokes while simultaneously beating a stampede of dead horses.
Is it worth eleven dollars?: No. The trailer for this, which I’m sure contains most of the funny jokes from the film, is painfully unfunny (with the exception of Justin Timberlake doing a Québécois accent). [...]

The Forbidden Kingdom:
The Plot: Some time traveling kid winds up in ancient China and has to fight an evil king with the help of Jackie Chan and Jet Li.
Is it worth eleven dollars?: No. Putting actors like this together always seems a little forced, like when Pacino and Deniro starred in Heat (and the upcoming Righteous Kill). [...]

Love in the Time of Cholera: Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s award-winning novel has been adapted into a film by director Mike Newell, and stars Javier Bardem and Benjamin Bratt. Thus far, the movie is getting pretty terrible reviews, shocking both because of the subject matter and talented director. Garcia Marquez (who is now eighty years old)

Bee Movie: Jerry Seinfeld is getting on my nerves. I remember when I saw the first Bee Movie teaser, in which Seinfeld was dressed up in a giant bee costume. It was amusing enough, and I thought that there was a chance that I would see the film, perhaps even in theaters. And then came

There are only two movies in wide release this weekend, as no one wants to go up against Saw IV. I honestly don’t know anyone that watches these anymore, but someone must be because they always seem to make a killing (and a torturous one at that).
Saw IV: Television has informed me that this weekend